After four years, I am the same.

I wrote this on February 2, 2010. Four years have passed, and this journal entry still describes the way I feel, to a T. This is what anxiety is like. This is what I feel on a daily basis. This is what I cope with. This is what I hide from the world. This is who I really am, all the way deep down inside. 

February 2, 2010

My head is spinning. Spinning, and I can't make it stop. I feel like I'm floating. I'm out of control. I'm almost there but no matter how hard I try, my feet just won't touch the ground. My heart is burning. My eyes are dry. My body is cold and achy. I'm nauseous. There's a shaking starting up in my hands. In my knees. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I get so, so hot. As soon as I shed a layer to cool off, I'm freezing. Emotions sitting in my stomach. Heavy like a rock. Tears welling up and being held back, pinching my throat. Begging, needing. I'm so lost. I don't even know how I got here. All I know is that I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me. I'm disappearing. Soon I won't even exist. My soul will only float through a sea of darkness looking for some kind of answer. What is love? Someone please help me find myself. Show me where I belong. Show me love. And let me believe it.