I won't be home for Christmas.

My family doesn't all live in one place. My mom's side all lives here in Utah, but my dad's side lives in Vermont (other than a few cousins who live in California). We have a tradition in our family of 5 to fly to Vermont every year for Christmas to see my dad's mom, brother and sister, and their families. We used to only go every other year, but it was decided that we like my dad's family better, and once every 2 years isn't nearly enough. I completely adore my family in Vermont. They aren't LDS like my mom's side, which makes them not judgemental like my mom's side. All of the grandkids on my dad's side are my age or older except for one, which is a big difference in comparison to my mom's side where I am the oldest. I get along with my dad's side better, and I have more fun. I can be myself around them. I love when the holiday season comes around because it means family. Just not this year. 

2 or so months ago, one of the other managers 'voluntarily abandoned his job' meaning, he didn't show up and got fired. This past Friday, another one put his 2 weeks in. (Perfect timing! Just before Christmas...) This leaves me, and my general manager. It means I'll be working my 40 hours a week plus another 20 or so just to cover everything. My GM will cover extra shifts as well. Overtime before the holidays is cool and everything, but that's a LOT of work. This really wasn't a bad thing to me at first. I could use the extra money, and I wasn't fond of the manager that quit anyway. The part that sucks is that I'm stuck here for Christmas. 

Even if the other manager wasn't quitting, the chances I would be able to go to Vermont were slim. We are supposed to have 3 shift managers in addition to our GM, and if we had had another manager, I could go. Unfortunately we don't, and there is just no way I will make my GM work open to close every day for a week after Christmas. 

There are a lot of other things going on this year that make it hard for me to see my family. Work is one, but I also promised to be in Utah for Christmas day this year. I promised George that he could have Christmas with Averie this year since she was with me last year. If we were to go to Vermont, we would leave on the 27th of December, but I would only be there a few days because I need to be back in Utah for New Years. That means a day in the airport and on the plane getting out there, 2, or 3 days in Vermont if I'm lucky, and then another day in the airport and on a plane back to Utah. I don't mind flying but that sure is a lot of it in such a short time.

Also, taking an 18 month-old toddler on an overnight flight to New York with either a layover in JFK Airport before another flight to Burlington, Vermont OR a flight to Manchester, New York and a 2 hour drive to Vermont just doesn't sound awesome. Last year she slept through it, but she was only 5 months old, and I was breastfeeding which makes the take-off and landing easier for babies. (Air pressure, ears popping... Nursing keeps the baby comfortable and since they're swallowing, their ears pop. Voila. No crying babies.) This year as she's headed into her "terrible 2's" I was a little concerned about taking her on a plane where she would be sitting on my lap for 4+ hours. 

With the realization that for the first time in 20 years, I won't be with my family for Christmas, I've been in tears. Even though I haven't seen my dad's side every year, I've seen my parents, brother and sister. This year they will continue on with tradition and go to Vermont. Even though I will be at my house with my daughter, it just won't be the same without my dad's crazy, trying-to-be-funny Christmas puns, my mom making Christmas breakfast, my too-loud family joking and laughing with each other, everyone trying to give the present that will make grandma cry, and of course, fighting over who got the most presents. I love my family to pieces, and I wish so badly I could be with them for Christmas. I want to be "home" for Christmas. That would be the best gift I could ever ask for.